He's been everywhere, man, he's been everywhere

For 30 days Julian Fantino held his tongue, campaigning as the Conservative candidate in the suburban Toronto riding of Vaughan

Actually, harper tied your tongue in a knot, fantino.  But go on...

He had vowed to take the high road during his campaign

Yeah, so high it was outside Earth’s atmosphere...

At 68 years of age, Mr. Fantino now finds himself a rookie MP and will be sitting in the Commons across from the likes of Justin Trudeau, Michael Ignatieff and the rest of the Liberal crew who, he says, made his life miserable.

Boo-fucking hoo...

Cue in the tough guy -

He asserts the Liberals were “desperate” but that he would rather have “faced dangerous people with loaded guns than some of the nonsense” during the campaign.

Because he’s manly, no doubt. 

But he has been taking notes from the CON playbook -

“ I call it the Hitler Theory. You tell a lie often enough you hope that some people will believe it."

(Repeat after me: evul coalition, eul coalition, evul coalition...I believe in me and reject the fearmongering and risky Michael Ignatieff coalition)
(Warning - some people may find the lyrics offensive - but appropriate)

(50% faster than original version) 
“I’ve been as many as 21 days in the witness box in court, being cross-examined by the best lawyers in town. There is no peek-a-boo. ... It was a character assassination.”

So fucking what.

I think O.J. Simpson has you beat.

“You know what, here’s me with 42 years of working night shifts and facing people with loaded guns and dealing with murderers and rapists ... and I get a lecture from a newbie. C’mon.”

So fucking what.

You’re on Parliament’s turf now and yes, the House has become a free-for-all shame but on the Hill, dodging a bullet is a metaphor and you have yet to learn new skills.  Not going to run into a whole lot of murderers and rapists there.

Fantino, on the Hill, you are the newbie.

You seem so stuck on your past career that I doubt you will be open to learning the skills necessary to take on experienced politicians.

You CONs like slogans.  Try this one:

You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.